Give Voice

I don't need what could have been...

2012-01-09T09:25:00.000-08:00

During the Holidays, many of us migrate back to our place of origin, and enjoy the company of family and friends that we have not seen since last year. Often we have an encounter with a person we have not seen since high school that ensues in conversation about details that we will forget 5 minutes later. In reality we are comparing each other's lives to one another, in hopes that we come out on top. After the conversation I find a way to work it in my head , that my life has in fact turned out better than theirs, and how I'll show that off at my 10 year reunion.

I have had a pretty successful life since High School. 5 years of my life was spent figuring out what I wanted to do, graduating from the University of Colorado, and finding a job at NEON as a recruiter making pretty OK money for a recent grad. The other two years have been spent being married to Emily and creating a family that can't be matched. At 25 I have accomplished what I thought would take me until at least 30.

However, I am an adamant Facebook stalker, often surfing through the photos of former classmates and friends; much like the ones I have encounters with when I visit my hometown of Fort Collins, CO. Sometimes I find myself jealous of the life they are leading. Whether it be the well traveled philanthropist, who seems to always have a picture of them self with a new third world orphan every week, or the free living friend who is still posting pictures of themselves "partying" like nothing could be more exciting than 50 cent drink night at Tony's downtown (Fort Collins reference, don't go there, it's a crap hole). These images lead me down a road that is both useless, at least without a Delorean & Doc Brown, and quite frankly unhealthy.

Below is a list of questions I have thought at one point or another since High School:

- I wish I would have risked more in HS, drank, smoked, done drugs, stayed out past curfew etc...

- What would have happened if I would have dated that girl?

- I should have acted THAT way so that I would have been cooler.

- I shouldn't have spent so much time with those church kids, I would have had more fun with the drinking guy I mentioned above.

- Man, life was so much more simple in HS. It was a great time in my life and I didn't do enough with it.

- Why didn't I spend more time developing a career that would allow me to do the things that I love to do?!!

- I can't wait until THAT new opportunity comes out of nowhere and pays me way too much money, to do a really easy job, that makes a huge difference, that people will be jealous of, that will garner loads of respect, and make every day a joy to go do my work.

- Maybe a magical shower of money will rain down from the sky and pay all of my debts, and then my family will be financially secure, and I won't be the only person on the planet without an iPhone.

- I'm going to write that song, or a book soon that will instantly be good, despite my years of ignoring any of those gifts.

As you can see my list progresses from everything that I might have changed in the past to things that I want to happen in the future. Nostalgia exists not just in the thoughts of our past, but also in how great things are going to be in the future. The problem with this, is that NONE OF THIS HAPPENED OR IS EVER GOING TO HAPPEN!! So my daydreaming bubble is bursts and I'm left realizing the unexcitement and failures of my current life. Reality is only cold and hard if that's what you want it to be. But my reality doesn't exist in the shortcomings of my life, but rather what I have and where I am going. Here's what is real, and what my life is all about.

This was me in High School...lesson learned? I WASN'T COOL!! That girl I should have dated, or those kids I wanted to hang out with couldn't have cared less about me. Instead I hung out with kids who did.

In fact, I am pretty damn lucky to have gotten this girl...

And this family...

And these friends...

Often we find ourselves being able to perfect our past and future by dreaming about how perfect things are without the decisions that got us here. In all honesty, nothing can compare to the life that I have now, and the places I am going. Someday I will have a job doing the things I love, and it WILL make a difference, but I'm working toward that now, and what I'm doing right now definitely matters. So here's to the New Year, and making this life that much better.

Finding Value in Music: Listener, "Wooden Heart"

2011-11-17T15:23:00.000-08:00

I once had an English teacher in High School that challenged me to look beyond the face value of words and analyze the meaning of what the artists and authors were saying. If he didn't like my answer because it was too obvious he would stroll across the room, wack me on the head with the book and say",That's a bunch of crap! What does it really mean?!" This same teacher would start every class with a song of his choice, and follow it up by making the class write at least a page about how that song made us feel. This accomplished two things...1.) For the class, it got us in the habit of writing every day, whether or not we wanted to. and 2.) It gave us an uncensored platform to explode on a page, and fill it with genuine thoughts flowing from our 17 year old brains. 4 years and $30,000 in tuition later I can honestly say that nothing in college or high school changed my perspective as much as 2 semesters in Mr. Richmond's class. I have never looked at books, movies, or music the same since leaving that classroom.

All of that to say, I hope that at least a couple times a month I can bring you a piece of music, literature or movie that we can explore together. Let's get beyond the "crap", aka the surface level meaning, and dig deeper into what we are listening too.

I posted the video above about a month ago on my Facebook page, so it is possible this is not new material to most of you by now. It is from a band called Listener; they are a "Spoken Word" band, which essentially means that there is no singing involved but rather the "singers" lyrics flowed in a non-melodic poetic style over the music they have created. Pretty unique stuff, and while I really really enjoy some of their songs, there are quite of few that I would describe as "weird"...but you can be the judge of that. Below is what I feel when I listen to the song; I've woven the quotes into what I'm trying to say, so hopefully it flows a little better.

Every time I listen to "Wooden Heart", liquids seem to make there way up into my ocular cavities for no apparent reason. The song is a far cry from being sad or even angry for that matter, however sometimes hope, desperation and love well up more emotion in me than sadness ever could. The song's main focus is centered around the idea that we are all "made out of shipwrecks, every single board." We were all born into this imperfect world, and we're holding ourselves together through makeshift parts. And while the most hopeless landscapes seem to block our path, we set our sails toward the dreams we have for ourselves and for each other. But maybe we were put here for each other to push forward through the hardest times, and we can clean each other up, "with tears of joy and tears of grief." We know that there is a better existence than sitting and rotting in our wrecks. It is just fact that we are surrounded by a world wasting away in it's own filth but, "while these machines rust, I promise we will still be electric, Shocking! each other back to life." That is the hope and love that brings up so much emotion in this song for me, to say that it doesn't matter what life is throwing, we'll pick ourselves up and keep moving. There will be failures and dissapointments but "our dreams are sails pointed to our true north."

This song makes me want to be a better Dad, husband, son and friend. The emotion in the song is the definition of "raw", and doesn't hold back for the music. In fact the music seems to flow perfectly with the lyrics, and captures emotion that the words couldn't describe. If I could have music narrate my life, this would make the playlist.

As Mr. Richmond would say, "It doesn't matter what I say...what I say is a bunch of crap...What do you think?"

Condemned!

2011-11-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

This is your warning that this post is a sort of Op. Ed. Sermon, but I guess that shouldn't be different than any other sermon you hear, as most are merely the opinion of the speaker. I am not a pastor so I reserve the right to say whatever I want and not be wrong. Many of my friends are speaking pastors and I do not envy their ever looming risk of receiving 1,000 emails because they use the wrong Biblical translation, or they said some petty offensive comment from the pulpit. I think that is why so many pastors love or hate Donald Miller...he seems to be able to write whatever he wants, yet he doesn't carry the weight of a congregation to fill his inbox on a weekly basis. Anyway...let's get into it.

Emily and I have recently been reading the book of Romans, and by recently I mean we just finished chapter 4 last night. Despite the brief romp through Paul's letter, I feel like I have found a new perspective on the arguments that us Christians make about how we should act. Roman 3:21-31 addresses so much that Christians have a tendency to overlook. So often we hear that "the old law" is this insignificant book of principles that was atoned for when Jesus died on the cross, so we're good because all of that is irrelevant! Well I think this is only partially true, because it was never the law in the first place that made us righteous but rather the faith that up keeping God's commands is the true root of righteousness. Another grand misconception is that God was different in the Old Testament, and the New Testament is the redemption, and God becomes "nice" all of the sudden. In order to refute this, please see Romans 4. Abraham was NEVER made great by the works of the law but rather by the faith he held in doing those acts. We ares still held to that standard today, to follow God's will and his commands. But is it possible that God's commands to Abraham are not the commands he has for us? (This is where I get to say whatever I want...)

There is one prophet/author that I wish wold have missed his writing session appointment with God that day, and that would be whoever wrote the book of Leviticus. Every time I hear what I call the "Leviticus Argument" I just shake my head. You've heard it for condemning tattoos, homosexuality, dishonoring your parents (See Lev. 15, 19 &20)..And then there are the really serious violations like not trimming your beard, sleeping with slave girls, and God forbid you hold back the wages of a hired worker overnight!

My point here is not to discredit the laws and commands of God, but rather point out that we tend to choose things that we don't like and that we have been socialized, in church, to condemn while letting the rest of it go. We lack historical context in our arguments, and we need to realize that it is possible that God was talking to a specific person for a specific reason at a specific time. Also, let's keep in mind that our faith in the actions God has called us to is what gains righteousness, not the act itself.

I recently read a blog by Mark Driscoll that I feel applies to this situation. I was hearing a lot from what I call his "disciples" on topics and opinions of his that I would consider, for lack of a better term...bunk. So I went and read this blog on his personal site that only confirmed his "bunkness" in my mind. The blog was called "Christian Yoga: It's a Stretch"; terrible pun of a title aside, it took about two paragraphs to realize that this was coming from a place that I didn't agree with. His main argument is that there is no way to take part in Yoga without being part of an act of spiritual worship to a false God. I see this as a form of the "Leviticus Argument", in that he believes that you cannot separate something from it's main origin and that's just the way it is, no matter what, because that is what he believes. As simple as it is, I would counter the "Leviticus Argument" with my own "Christmas Tree Argument"...

The origin of a Christmas tree was started in Germany as a pagan tradition based on the traditions of Nordic mythology. I wonder if Mark Driscoll has a Christmas Tree? and if so, I wonder if he is able to separate it's spiritual roots in pagan religions for 1 month to put in his house. Even if he doesn't, I would say that 99% of Christians I know celebrate the Holidays with a tree! Do I need to go further?

We are so blessed to believe in a God that wants to be in a relationship with us, and wants nothing more than for us to be apart of his works. Our actions are so important to our faith, but those actions are nothing without faith to back them up. We can keep condemning and finding new scriptures about how people are wrong, or how they are living in sin...but you are totally missing the point! God knows that it is not possible for us humans to follow the "law" perfectly the way it is laid out, it is why we needed saved in the first place. You are missing so much living in the acts that God gave others, you are totally missing out on what God is telling the church today and where he wants us to go! I am not going to give a disclaimer about following the old law, because that's not the point.

Stop putting yourself on a pedestal by telling others what they are doing wrong based on out of context quotes and relics; instead find love and hope in wonderful things that God has for you now. I have missed so many opportunities to be the hands and feet by justifying my laziness with condemning thoughts/actions toward others, in order to boost myself up. Instead of pitting Leviticus against the Christmas Tree, let's find our purpose and actions as today's church, living in faith that God is leading us to where we need to be.

The Calm Before

2011-10-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

I have recently been involved in numerous conversations with many of my friends about being in a position of calm and assurance. A few of them are satisfied with where they are at, and others want to be satisfied but can't quite get there. I tend not to fully believe those who say they are content with what they have, because I have rarely been content with the position I am in. In fact, it seems like every person I talk to is striving for something new. It comes out in conversations that usually look like this...

Me: "So how's life?"
Person: "It's going really well I just got a new job that I am really excited about."
Me: "What do you do?"
Person "Well, it's kind of a lower level position right now but I should be able to move up quickly, and the pay isn't great but hopefully if I stick it out the pay is really good!"
Me: "So what happened to that one thing you were working on, you seemed really stoked and passionate about that?"
Person "Well...I just never really pursued it like I could have, and no one seemed interested in helping me, and it's hard to do something that doesn't pay you well, or at all. I feel like my life is leading in a different direction for now."

To be honest, I am the "person" in most of those conversations and "me" is usually played by my friends and family members. I have also decided that this conversation occurs way more than it should. This uneasiness is caused by what I would call "the storms" that occur daily in my life. A storm is a confrontation with my boss, a paycheck that doesn't equal my bills, seeing the successes of someone else that I want, etc... All of this and more decides how whether my day is spent on the boat being productive, or getting tossed around by the seas never moving forward and even sailing in the right direction. My solutions so far have been less than fruitful to say the least. An impromptu job search, a new scheme to make money, a half thought creative idea, or any kind of quick fix that will make me the most successful, happy, and interesting man in the world ("Stay thirsty my friends").Needless to say, this never works and I end up spending the rest of my day on Face book stalking my friends Holiday pictures from their junior year of college. The storm goes away, not because I sailed out of it, but because I gave up and now I am back where I started. It's like I have woken up on my boat not realizing where I am, and feeling more defeated than when the storm came.

So here I am again sitting in the calm before the inevitable storm; which meteorologists say is due to hit at around 8:00am Monday morning, but could come as soon as late Sunday evening. But what if the storm didn't have to come? What if it was not an inventible force in our lives? Maybe just maybe we can control the weather and the storms don't need to happen.

I had a professor at the University of Colorado that asked me " When was the last time that you truly enjoyed where you were at in that moment...Maybe at a football game or at home, but you didn't think at all about what you were doing later that night or 5 min. from then for that matter?" I was amazed; I could probably count those occurrences on one hand. But as I sit here at work on a Friday afternoon at 2:00pm, this memory came rushing back, reminding me to not only take a step back, but enjoy this where I am at. I don't believe that there has to be a storm after the calm. Sometimes the calm needs to last longer than we tend to let it; especially when we are the ones allowing the storms to take place and take over our lives.

I see things clearer without rain and wind blowing in my eyes. It's time to stop letting the storms win, and move forward in confidence and calm; with the expectations that we are pointed in the direction of the things we were meant to do. So enjoy the weekend...and know that the weatherman is usually wrong.